You can’t even imagine how many interesting observations from the life of couples a good divorce specialist can make. Of course, rescuing sinking family boats is not his responsibility. But this does not prevent him from taking notes in the margins in the process of analyzing the next conflict. Georgina Hamblin, one of the best divorce specialists, has agreed to tell our British colleagues at Marie Claire what she has learned from her clients over the years.
Leave time for your dreams
One of the main components of a harmonious relationship is the ability, independently of your spouse, to do what gives you pleasure. For example, a hobby. “When I was on maternity leave, at some point I began to feel how the walls were pressing on me. I needed to get back to work, find something really exciting to do. You shouldn’t expect a partner to meet all of your needs. The couples who manage to create harmony are the ones who have a life outside their home, ”says Georgina.
Choose a spouse who supports your ambitions
Modern women are increasingly becoming earners, and this can be a problem in their relationships. “I had a client who couldn’t accept his wife’s successful career. I call such a “superwoman’s spouse”. According to him, the wife could do whatever she pleased, and in his interpretation, it looked rather selfish. Make sure the person you are building a relationship with understands and accepts your career aspirations. Ask yourself if you are willing to do the same for him. From the very beginning, be frank about how you see a well-functioning relationship in the context of your ambitions. “
Believe in yourself
Many women are afraid of divorce because they feel that they will not cope with their lonely independent life. And in vain. Controlling your life is a great opportunity. “One of my clients was horrified even at the thought that she might be left without an influential and successful husband. But after the divorce, she bought a house herself, she had her own source of income, she managed to start living for herself. It is amazing to see how women begin to live their own lives, especially if they were previously in toxic relationships. “
Invest in relationships
Nowadays, a woman may well find herself in the role of the main earner of the family. And this is not a problem of the second half’s laziness. This is the reality we live in. The wife can be a full-time manager with a fast-paced career, and the husband can work remotely and look after the children (and this will be his contribution to the family). “Among my clients was a couple in which my wife worked 12 hours a day, while her husband was in small business. This experience reminded me of my own life lesson, which cost me my family: it is very important to constantly remember that in the family no one should feel insignificant. Even if you are sure that your work is many times more important than what your spouse does, this does not mean that your problems and concerns are more important than his. “
Repair the roof while the sun is shining
“When I am angry at some actions of my husband, I immediately say these words to myself in order to put my thoughts in order. Being honest about unpleasant things while you still love each other is one of the key lessons in relationships for me. In my practice, many women, knowing about their husband’s infidelities, try not to notice it. This happens again, when the conversation does happen, the husband promises that this will not happen again, and then the moment comes when the woman finds out that her husband’s mistress has become pregnant. So, when faced with an unpleasant situation, face the difficulties before things get out of hand. But at the same time, be prepared to forgive and forget your partner’s mistakes, and not use them as a weapon in future disputes. “
Make tough decisions with caution
“It’s easy to destroy everything when emotions run high, but happy are the people who try to live up to their own high standards. One of my clients agreed to less on the part of her husband in the divorce, both in terms of providing for children and housing. And she was sure that she did everything right for the children and for herself. It was real decency. Also in my practice, there were husbands who experienced a strong sense of guilt because of the decision to leave their spouse, so they gave more as compensation than they would like. You need to think about the consequences of each decision. “
Do not be afraid of the marriage contract
“Some people think that marriage contracts are unromantic, but if you do financial planning while you are in love and are happy, it’s easier for you to write a fair agreement. When a breakup occurs, it is not uncommon for spouses to cash out credit cards or leave their joint bank account empty. Marriage is one of the most important contracts you make in your life, so don’t blindly make it. Create a “back-up fund” of cash if the relationship doesn’t go as planned. It creates a healthy balance of power in the relationship. “